Talking to Psychiatry
Closing the Dysfunctional Loop
Then Opening the Door to a New Understanding
by Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic
You will never understand this group phenomenon until, or unless, you close the 'loop' by giving up the delusional belief that you are not seen, heard, or understood by a 'lesser' human being. It is your delusional belief, as members in 'good' standing of a delusional group, that you are all, as a group, 'hidden' from someone who is less than you, that is keeping the societal sickness, the dysfunctional relating, and the denial of it all, going to infinite destruction. Stop playing 'the overlook it' game. Stop telling the targets they have to let all the destruction to their lives. 'roll off their backs' and start handing the responsibility for it back to those participating in it. This is not a 'game' that anyone can ever 'win.' The ONLY way to win this game is to STOP PLAYING IT.
You will not stop what you refuse to see in the first place. The group denial of this as reality IS the problem and is what is keeping it going. It is the other way around.'
I can see you. I can hear you. I understand this whole thing BETTER than you (even though you indicate to me, quite clearly from a few feet away of course, while discussing it with others) that you are 'quite sure' you all have a better understanding of me and the problem since you are defining my reality for me by 'group consensus.' You aren't entitled to do that. Your belief that you CAN do that without even knowing me or recognizing your own fabricated stories as they are repeated over and over again, is YOUR problem. Instead, you call the recognition of it, MY problem.
This 'covert' group dysfunction which virtually no one ever 'admits' to, IS the basis of the problem. So if you really want to assess and evaluate someone try self focusing.
For example: How do you library employees who have been discussing amongst yourselves, my 'mental illness', unfriendly personality and sexuality (“a shiver ran down my spine when I found out she worked for a health care agency”) justify to yourselves, your denial that you are doing what you do while still doing it? One of you has said, “but people just don't behave like that,” even though you ARE one of the people who has behaved like that. One of the saner employees has said, “Yes we do though. We just deny it.”
Self focus now and recognize the reasons you deny doing what you do while doing it.
Is one of the reasons that you believe the people you are talking about and not 'to' or 'with' are less than you so they won't know anyway?
Is it to keep your job?
Is it to be a member in good standing in a group.
Is it to mollify the other group members.
Is it 'fun.'
Are you enjoying looking down on another who is not a member of your particular group?
Does it make you FEEL better?
Do you believe, and WANT to believe, that those you talk about, even if it is right in their presence, will see, hear, know or understand ONLY what you intend them to?
Are you too “hiding in plain sight”
That is YOUR delusional belief. But rather than even considering that, you remain in denial, project it onto the person you are chronically gossiping about, and claim that reality is MY denial, thinking. Perception and reaction problems rather than your own denial, thinking, perception and behaviour problem. Of course you then react to being TOLD that by a lesser human like me with some inappropriate affects of your own, like anger, sarcasm, and contempt. Naturally, you consider your own feelings to be legitimate. Only mine on the receiving end of the group experience are considered to be 'inappropriate' and part of a mysterious 'disease' process which, according to you who are hiding in plain sight, makes no sense at all.
I know that because I have stood a few feet away from dozens of people acting it all out for me while they are simultaneously denying the whole thing and their own behaviour. They are all hiding in plain sight you see. They also don't see themselves a part of a group phenomenon; a supposedly 'hidden' mob.
You know when you are the one on the receiving end of this it is pretty damned hard to believe that people like you have no idea about what they are doing. It is so obvious to me, and to many others just like me, that we cannot believe it isn't obvious to you too, and therefore you must be 'pretending' to be stupid, or doing it all deliberately while fully AWARE that we know it. You look like you are really enjoying driving us into madness and watching us disconnect from concrete reality. We disconnect because we can no longer identify it when all context is lost. The group members remove, or blind, the targets to specific context to protect and defend themselves. There is often NO communication between group members and targeted 'sick one' at all. There certainly has not been in my own case.
Some of you ARE enjoying it all too aren't you, and justifying it by claiming your targets are getting 'what they deserve.” I believe though that the majority of you are just blind to yourselves and the role you are playing, but you are also fighting furiously to keep from being awakened to this reality. Where will you be able to dump all of your suppressed rage and hostility if there are no socially sanctioned targets for it; especially when the 'no blaming anyone, for anything' dysfunctional direction has to be kept intact. Will you then implode, if you can't explode?
Perhaps a new paradigm for true Self control might help. I have one. Perhaps when you get tired of blaming me for you bad group behaviour, and admit this citywide phenomenon exists, you will 'lower' yourselves and talk directly and genuinely to an equal human being.
First though you are going to have to close the loop and come FULL CIRCLE.
359 degrees won't work. Let me risk further diagnosis and offer an old analogy of mine which I used with my recovery therapist in 96. I originally used this to describe what it was like dealing with psychiatric hospital staff but it can be expanded easily to include the population of the whole city and all it's dysfunctional participants.
The Observation Room
It is like being taken into a room and left by myself and then a group of people gets together in an adjoining room to discuss me. Between us is a window and they are clearly watching me and interpreting everything I say and do. I try to talk to them and although they can clearly hear what I am saying
they do not respond directly to me but instead discuss what I just say or do amongst themselves and try to interpret what it means. I am puzzled by this and assume it must be a joke of some kind. Most of 'us' think that. Yet they continue to behave the same way and eventually I realize this is no 'joke.' They are serious about reducing me to the level of an object. They are objectifying me.
Now, here is what I do not know about what they are doing as well as what they do not know about me.
I do not know that they believe they are in a soundproof room and observing me from behind a two way glass with a mirror on my side and a window on theirs.
In reality, there is a sound system, like an intercom, just below the dividing window and it is turned on. Furthermore, the mirror they believe is on my side of the glass is NOT a mirror at all but just a window into the other room exactly as it is on their side.
So their perception of me is based on their belief that I am deaf and blind to them and all their acting out when in fact, it is they who are deaf and blind to me as I really am. Conversely, my perception of them is based on my belief, which seems very obvious to me, that I can see them and hear them and that they must know that they are bombarding me with their own duplicity. Since they believe they are all 'superior' human beings they do not entertain the idea for one minute, that it could possibly be me who is much closer to understanding the whole truth of the situation than they are. They don't want to believe it either as it would ruin the group delusion of concealment.
Despite the analogy used to explain this to my recovery therapist, in 1996, the group behaviour has continued, unchanged (although they are not quite as careless or intense about it as they once were) to date.
I am still 'in the room with the window', watching and listening to the same old group delusion being acted out and recreated and I am still being called crazy for seeing and hearing it.
April 2010.
This group 'illness' will not end until or unless you close the gap being kept open by one degree. When the group recognizes there is no mirror on my side keeping me blind to them and that they are not 'hidden' by it either, then and only then will they be able to step back through the looking glass and into the truth of the collective reality as it really is. This is and has always BEEN two sides of the same experience. Not two DIFFERENT experiences with the group being the 'sane' ones and me the insane one. In fact, I am more sane than most of the group members.
Of course they will roll their eyes at that idea since as we all know, when you are REALLY crazy, you don't know it.
Changing the Mental Illness System's Harping Parameters
By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic
As anyone who has been in the mental illness system (and it is an 'illness' system) for longer than 9 minutes knows, the system has its favourite topics to harp on and many a harpy to deliver them. I would like to suggest to some of those professionals that they harp on some new attitudes to replace the old, tired jargon.
Instead of repeating over and over again, “We can't blame others...You must forgive them, for your OWN sake...and, we come to accept that other people aren't perfect.”...I would like to suggest we focus on some equality producing concepts to replace the 'them and us' concepts so popular today. Think of this change as going from a mental illness system to a real mental health system.
In this new style of system the 'one size fits all' concept could actually work since we get away from the powerful/powerless, them or us, relationship and into the egalitarian one. I call it the Goldilocks concept; not too powerful, not too powerless but Juuuuussssst right. That is about personal power and control over the self; not 'others'.
Instead of an inferior/superior split or 'choice', we focus on Self definition, Self direction, Self containment and Self restraint. By “we” I mean everyone, psychiatrists included, without regard for status as a consideration, or 'difference.' I cannot respect a psychiatric MORE than I respect myself, nor should I be expected to do so, or to pretend to do so.
In this case there is no polarized bouncing around in an attempt to FEEL better about being either 'superior or inferior' (both of which are delusional ideas) but rather a focus on getting OUT of that nonsense thinking and into a personally centred, stable and peaceful space of our own. Space for the 'patient' as well as 'space' for the psychiatrist.
That eliminates the identifying with either, aggressors or victims, and moves us all towards Self actualization (the real kind) with good boundaries intact.
The boundaries could be stated to exist as this:
Living as individuals in the 'space' between Self direction and Self restraint; between Self respect AND (not OR) respect for others.
Both sides of this paradigm must be present at the same time and not an 'either /or' choice.
So what will the mental 'health' system harp on now?
How about:
We (the all inclusive 'we' which eliminates the 'them') must develop genuine empathy for all other humans regardless of their status, details of concrete existence or identity.
We must understand though where “I” end and the other “I” begins. It is not a choice of being the same OR different but rather of understanding that we must be BOTH at the same time.
We must know that we CAN 'blame others' and we can also blame ourselves though we cannot take vengeance on anyone.
Concrete example: If you punch me in the face, I blame YOU for that action.
BUT I cannot take vengeance by punching you in the face too as the means of restoring equality. Instead the system will harp at you: You must show contrition; you must develop empathy. You must learn and practise personal boundaries.
It is not 'no one can be blamed' but rather we are ALL to blame, to one degree or another, so each of us concerns our self with what we are doing that is a problem for both our self and others (not or) and which needs to be changed. We must not be altruistic caring only about others (a crock of excrement) OR concerned ONLY for our self, but must strive to do, and be, BOTH at the same time.
We must understand personal boundaries to know WHY we are blaming, who we are blaming and when it is appropriate to hold others accountable, as well as when it is appropriate to hold ourselves accountable.
How about adding: “We must show contrition for what we do that is boundary violating to others and also show a willingness to change our ways.”
Perhaps psychiatrists can get us all started on that one by offering themselves as our example. They are, after all, the most highly integrated personalities on the planet are they not? They MUST be since they are writing the book on human thinking and behaviour that is to be set as the standard of sanity for the whole world. If they are not representing the standard for the world on the road to the future, who is? Let them demonstrate then the meaning of accountability for the rest of us mere mortals.
Accountability can be nothing more than saying those words; “I was wrong, I m sorry, I will change this.”
It does not even have to be physical punishments. But we must learn to say the words and feel empathy. “Normal' human beings will stop being 'entertained' by the victimization of 'others' when they see no difference between those to whom it is being done, and to having it done to them.
(If you do not want to be talked about in a derogatory manner, behind your back; STOP talking.)
There IS no difference except in the currently delusional beliefs of the 'normal' playing the 'them and us game.'
I want to be sure to add to these items from the onion the simple fact that these are satirical stories. I know I have to do that, as many people feel they are so close to reality, they are frequently understood to be real. That in itself should tell us a whole lot!
Giving Us the Business
When human distress becomes a 'business' just like any OTHER business, and is dealt with by those who have total, unquestioned power and control over the 'product' as if it WERE a profitable business, then those who are in distress may well find the product they are being sold is one which they are going to be forced to buy. Endless and 'incurable' distress could be quite the money maker, couldn't it? That is especially true when, unlike other 'businesses,' where pleasing the customer matters, in this business the customer who does not want what is being sold, and who thinks it is a shoddy product, is always wrong.
The Contrived 'Difference'
By Patricia Lefave, admitted Monophrenic
If the mental illness system does not have to come up with concrete proof that what I 'claim' happened to me did NOT happen, then why should I have to come up with concrete proof that it did?1
Do you know why the system likes the idea of a “mental health court”? Because the premise of that court, which many call simply the Kangaroo Court, is the opposite of a lawful court which, is aimed at least, at the concept of “justice for all.”
In the legal court room of our Charter of Rights and Freedoms, as in the court rooms of other countries based on the same concept, we are presumed innocent until proven guilty.
In the 'other' courtroom for those who are 'mentally ill' we are presumed to be mentally ill (guilty) unless we can 'prove' we are not. We will not be able to “PROVE” that since the mental illness profession is NOT based on concrete evidence but rather on vague, ambiguous unprovable abstract notions of 'illness,' delivered to the identified patent in absolute terms.
I.E: if you think you are not sick that proves you ARE sick, since crazy people believe they are not sick.2
This kind of reasoning, which is not based on reason at all, but on emotional reactions, is a tautological (circular) argument. It is not however applied to everyone as a form of assessment but only to those who have already been targeted FOR assessment before the assessment even begins. The argument is a snare trap that the identified patient will not be able to see, or even suspect is there, until AFTER it is done. It is more of an ambiguous word game than anything else but even many psychiatrists don't see it. The 'them and us' mentality3 used as the premise of thought has much to do with that.
What of the rest of you; the undiagnosed? Or the yet to BE diagnosed?
Are YOU mentally ill? Yes or no?
If you see yourself as just like me, the result derived from your answer to that question will be the same for you, as it is for me. The ONLY way it can be made to seem to be 'different' is if you split reality into a premise of “them and us” to justify the idea you are about to impose on the 'other' BEFORE the assessment even begins.
The person on the receiving end could not be able to see that coming as he or she would have to know something before they could possibly know it. That is why this kind of power works. The only people who have any chance of seeing that coming, even partially, are those who have had the same kind of experience on the conceptional, or psycho spiritual level at least, with someone before,4 and who have managed to escape from it, without being totally destroyed by it.
Someone like me, or perhaps a survivour of the Holocaust or some other form of group abuse, invalidation, of being overpowered, ignored, trapped, isolated, dismissed, denied and controlled. Fascism takes over by degrees and it depends upon the masses accepting such things a little at a time. If you accept a 'different' court system for 'THEM' the assumption in that is that YOU will never be in THAT other system since you are NOT one of THEM.
Sociopaths really love that about you. Your 'them and us' beliefs make it easier for them to control you, as they know just what you want to hear. There is that standard belief of the sociopath that many of you normal people share with them isn't there? Which one?
This one, “You can't really be a victim unless you choose to be.” (wink, nudge)
It is a sociopath favourite because they can use it to justify what they do to you. It is marvellously self serving for them. You see 'them and us' may well be an illusion but it is an illusion that WORKS for as long as there are True Believers in It who will enable and support it. Smoke and mirrors is smoke and mirrors, but if you don't KNOW it is all smoke and mirrors, you will accept it as reality.
So you who are not like me and who consider yourselves to be normal, tell me:
“Do you think you are mentally ill”?
All of my psychiatrists also tell me please: “Do you believe that you are mentally ill”?
What is the sane and normal answer to that question; the definitive answer, the competent medical answer, provable in a real courtroom where you can get sued for malpractice if you can't prove your case?
Should you be presumed to be guilty of malpractice in such a case if you can't prove otherwise? Or are you going to be in the 'other' courtroom where you are presumed to be innocent unless the other party can prove you guilty?
Should psychiatrist and psychiatrized be in the SAME courtroom (either one) and treated the same way? Or should we be in two DIFFERENT courtrooms, in different systems with opposite/split premises of 'proof' required, or not required?
Should I have a little ECT applied to make me stop asking such annoying questions of people who simply don't have the time put up with it? Will you call my refusal to accept the outcome of this contrived group experience my 'obsessing'? If so, will that justify your action, or your inaction?
Enquiring minds all over the city want to know. They are still watching and getting all the latest from the psych hospital, despite your ongoing and complete denial of the group phenomenon.
Should I understand that you are those who are focused on controlling/defining me and all those like me, as quickly and efficiently as any other business producing a marketable product (or item if you prefer)?
Am I the consumer to you, or just the product?
I feel more like the consumed.
I am a person.
Look for the hidden meaning in that.
1 The bits of concrete proof offered have not been accepted anyway. They have been ignored and suppressed.
2 What do sane people believe?
3 If you are not 'like me' then a different set of standards and judgements can be applied.
4 We learn from life by seeing patterns of experience and behaviour
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