Dysfunctional Zen: Platitudes Songs and Proverbs

By Patricia Lefave, Labelled, D.D.(P)

The Zen Twins
The people who spread rumors in ‘secret’ do so with other people who spread rumors in ‘secret. Yet it does not occur to the rumor spreaders that those who spread rumors do not think there is anything wrong with that and therefore also spread rumors in ‘secret’ about those who are spreading rumors in ‘secret. The only time the ‘secret’ rumor spreaders get a little bit worried about what they do is when what they do travels full circle and finally arrives back on their own doorstep.

Just as there is a Zen of Being, so there is a zen of NON-being; a Zen of truth, a zen of lies. The spirits of good and evil may well resemble conjoined twins. These twins must be separated with the scalpel of discernment because in spirit, they have already grown far apart.


Nurses In the Sanity Business
Two psychiatric hospital nurses and their contemptuous mother observe me from five feet away. They then discuss me as if I weren’t there.
“If she thinks people are watching her and talking about her then she’s just stupid.’
You see, those who ARE watching me and talking about me don’t consider THEMSELVES to be the ‘people’ who are doing that. Therefore (anti-logically speaking) there are no ‘people’ doing that, therefore, I am crazy if I ‘think’ there are.

One of these nurses was also seen at the mall performing a live Zen koan demonstration as follows:
Two fourteen year old girls asked her for a cigarette so she delivered a brief lecture to them in psychiatric hospital style, telling them they should not be smoking or asking people for cigarettes. As she ‘corrected’ them, she pulled out her cigarettes and lit one, stopping the lecture just long enough to cough. When done coughing, she gave each of them a cigarette.
Schizo- Phrenic!
But the real schizo-phrenic (this nurse) will unload her own split mind via projection onto whomever sees it as it is, especially if they point it out to her as obvious.
That is how the truly ‘mad’ convince themselves they have the ‘superior’ minds, for if YOU don’t understand them, and see something wrong with their thinking, then YOU must be stupid or crazy, because it is NOT going to be them.


No "Victims"?
When we live in a society which demands that no one ever sees him/herself as a "victim" the opportunities for abuse, without consequences, created by this bizarre notion are infinite.
To the sociopath, the limitless possibilities in this self defeating Pi brings an intoxicating rush of power, for when we are not allowed to see any victims, we cannot see any aggressors either can we?

Mad Doctors:
When the unquestioned power to decide who is ''mad''and who is not ''mad'' is given to the mad doctors,who will be the watchdogs who will be ''allowed'' to evaluate the mental health and behaviour of the mad doctors?

The Double Binds Of Group Righteousness
Heard on the street, four feet away:
"There she is. She sure is judgemental about her (protagonists). I think she is going to go to hell."

There is a place I go regularly where the staff keeps a running commentary going on all the latest they've heard on me and the interpretations that go with it.
It has been said accordingly that I am suffering with my illness, that I am not suffering at all, that I am whining and complaining that I am suffering just to seek attention, that if I don't speak up, I deserve to suffer, and that I don't look like I ma suffering too much to them. In twelve years, not one person has been interested in relating directly to me, or in hearing my own view about my own experience with them. Know why?
Because even though they do this in my presence, they KNOW they are "hidden" from me as I am just delusional and paranoid. I am delusional and paranoid because I "think" I can see and hear THEM, when really, what I "think" I see and hear is just my "delusional" beliefs about myself!
Are you confused?
Perhaps you should tell someone on staff at this place so that they can alert the proper authorities so that they can get you the help you need for your mental illness of which "confusion" is a major sign.



Dysfunctional Proverbs

The most difficult time I have ever had, has been that spent trying unsuccessfully to communicate my own reality to those who are sure, before I even begin to speak, that they understand it better than I do. No wall between people could be more impenetrable than this one built of their absolute certainty. We may as well be, literally, in two different dimensions of existence, even if we are standing two feet apart.

It is very handy to have a rule against defying authority as long as the rule applies to some people but not to others.
It is handier still to make the attempt to oppose ‘authority’ (as an abstraction) a ‘disease’ in itself; Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Any child who tries to ‘defy’ the wrong ‘authority’ quite literally gets labeled, “ODD.”
All anyone who lives to operate with a hidden agenda of domination and submission need do is to become a psychiatrist, or else, become the best buddy of one who will support you and your agenda politically. For who can resist the authority of mental illness experts who know all about getting everyone under control? Certainly not the psychiatrized.


Good Business
The world is going to Hell in a handbasket and the powers that be just can't figure out why. At least making money is not one of the world's many problems. Many are reaching their goals in that respect. The handbasket manufacturing sector, for example, is a going concern and sales have never been better.

Confusion?
What's the difference between confusion in sane people and confusion in insane people?
A. If considered to be sane, your confusion is seen to be in relation to you life experience and relationships (external reality is considered to be an important factor.)
B. If judged to be insane, it is seen as bubbling up from within your defective brain without regard to life experience and relationships. Other people will be asked to explain you and your reactions. You will be seen as in need of an "interpreter," your confusion coming from an internal source. Only an expert can really tell the difference.

Depending upon to which group you find yourself assigned, your opinion of the expert may be positive or negative, even if the "confusion" seems the same for both sides TO YOU.

Team Players
If you are a great team player who always goes with the flow, you may, one day, find yourself row, row, rowing, your boat gently in a tsunami. Is Ahab the captain of your "ship"? (paranoid )
Or perhaps it's Bligh?(anti social personality disorder)
Even in bountiful times, mutiny is sometimes necessary to save the ship if the captain is obsessing about whales or missing coconuts while the ship is sinking.

The Conversation Circle
Lunatic:
You automatically contradict everything I say. It is not even thought about anymore. I could supply all the responses myself it's so predictable.

Normal person: (looking very pained and sighing) I don't know WHY you would say I contradict you. I most certainly DO NOT contradict you.

Insanity Trait
When someone has contempt for me for ''blaming others'' and tells me that ''blaming others'' is a character flaw of mine for which I deserve just what I'm getting, am I not the ''other'' to the one who is blaming me? Wouldn't we call this ''subjective projection'' if a psychiatrist were to be called in to give an expert assessment?

Co-operation
Let not the right hand know what the left hand is doing.
The Bible

The Union:
Group dysfunction will operate infinitely at peak efficiency through the collective agreement denying the existence of group dysfunction.

Maier's Law:
If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
N.R.F.Maier As quoted by Laurence J. Peter in The Peter Pyramid

Sing Along:
''No One Must Be Blamed ''
This song can be sung in two ways.
1. With verses and chorus, which may well interfere with the group harmony...
OR
2. You can just sing the chorus, denying the relevance of all the concrete details in the verses. In this case, you sing it as a ''round'' (like Row, Row, Row Your Boat) In a Psychotic Circle.

If you choose the second way, you may get stuck in It, have to sing the song indefinitely, and be unable to stop, even when you are completely pooped.

HERE'S THE CHORUS
No one must be blamed
No, No one Must Be Blamed
For that would be blaming "others"
And those "others" must never be Blamed.
Hey!

Verse One
We tell you that we're being set up
By someone near and dear,
You say, But that would make no sense,
So you don't want to hear.

We say That's right it makes no sense!
It feels us with confusion
You say you're glad we admit to our state,
It helps to define our delusion!

(Chorus)

Verse Two
We tell you we're being followed around
By men that we don't know.
You say, Tell me why that would be?
But hurry it's time to go.

We tell you one's a staring creep
In a truck and it's kind of scary.
You tell us we imagined him
But it turns out his name is Harry!

(Chorus)

VerseThree
They stand behind me at the store
Where I copy out my truth.
They say, Oh look. She's copying more!
Tell Bob and Mary and Ruth!

They laugh, they ridicule, the mock,
They're making quite a din,
They tell the neighbours round the block
She sure is going to SHOW HIM!

(Chorus)

Verse Four
The landlord goes into my home
To look for any signs.
He does it when he's all alone,
There's no place left that's mine.

The lawyers from the neighbourhood
They listened at my door.
Some students too.
What's a nut to do?
Can't tolerate this no more.

(Chorus)

Verse Five
A Bio-med new college boy lived near,
His name was Kyle.
One day he and his Asian friend
Puffed up with loads of guile.

They snuck to my door to read the note
I had tacked for just that pair
They could not understand who the message was for
They searched but their brains were bare!

(Chorus)

Verse Six
One day there came a painter gal,
The landlord gave her a test.
He asked her what she thought about
Perhaps chancing an arrest.

She said, " I would be on the landlord's side."
And that's what he wanted to hear.
He knew if he snuck in quick with her
That he'd have nothing to fear.

(Chorus)

Verse Seven
The landlord brings his "friend" along
And waits for me to go.
She says, "But don't we need to ask?"
He says, "She'll never know."

She asks , "But what if she finds out?"
He states, "She's not that smart.
Besides if she dares complain of us.
Old Horse will bring his dart."

(Chorus)

Verse Eight
I told the shrinks I saw the Perp.
Getting news while under the stairs.
The shrink said, "That would make no sense,"
The she added, "You're too aware."

I said, "I'm telling you WHY I fear,
Why won't you see it's true?
She said, "I know you are sincere
And I'm sure it's true TO YOU.

(Chorus)

Verse Nine
I said, "It's not just true TO ME,
What I'm saying is a fact."
She said, "You really must let it go,
Or we'll need to invoke the A.C.T.T.

For telling the truth I get attacked?
She said, "That's not what we do!"
I said, "You're in denial again,
But I'm sure that's not true TO YOU!"

(Chorus)

Verse Ten
A student came to train for "us"
To learn to make us well.
When no one else was looking
She told Ethel she'd go to hell.

Later, she told a member of staff
She was a little bit concerned.
For Ethel she'd found,
Was really quite sound,
Was it the "healer" who was now to be burned?

(Chorus)

(repeat indefinitely)

I would like to suggest we include this little number, as part of learning new socialization skills, at all institutional sing-a-longs, as BOTH the opening and closing number, just before, "A Bicycle Built For Two" and right after, "It's A long Way To Tipperary."
It's such a simple refrain, you'd would think we could learn it in no time at all!

Dysfunctional Platitudes:
"There is no reality; Only perception."
"You must overlook it. "
"A really smart woman would be smart enough to know not to show her brains to a man."
"That is just the exception that proves the rule."
''You're too smart for your own good.''
''What goes on inside these four walls, stays inside these four walls.''
"There is no "I" in "team." (which may well explain lemmings)


Psychiatric Moment of Zen
(inspired by Jon Stewart)
A man who triggered himself into psychosis with drug and alcohol abuse is now promoting the psychiatric establishment's treatment. He was told that it was really an 'underlying' disease process that made him do it. So now, he takes narcotics every day, as prescribed for him by his psychiatrist, then he goes to N/A meetings to discuss how grateful he is that he came to terms with his narcotics addiction.

If he starts to feel anything negative, he goes to see his doctor who increases the dose of his drug. His psychiatrist praises him for being a compliant patient and offers him as an example to others who do not want to take the drugs.

Few appear to notice anything at all absurd in this.

And that's the way it is.....