Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Swinging Door Perception of Reality

By Patricia Lefave, Labeled, D.D.(P)

Approximately thirteen years after my protagonist set me up as the target for his ‘game’ I still live as if reduced to an object at the centre of multiple meanings of ‘reality’. This is not because I don’t understand it. I actually DO. It is because I am the last one anyone involved in it, has an interest in hearing out, using a genuine direct style of ‘communication.’

Around me whirl basically the same versions of my supposed ‘reality’ as created by those who presumed to assess me, as if I were an object and not a person.
Throughout the whole community the same basic possibilities are discussed and debated by the young and the old, the professionals and the amateurs, from every walk of life from University professor to mall table wiper. My offers of personal input and explanation have all been rejected, my information suppressed, judged, ignored or ridiculed, my endless requests for direct communication denied.

I am seen primarily in terms of one of four central viewpoints:

1. I am the very smart woman, OR, 2. the crazy woman, OR 3. Both of those, OR 4. neither of those.

These are the four sides of the ‘box” inside of which I am held captive by all of those who are certain they understand me and my experience better than I do.
Since they do, each member of each group view, feels qualified to subjectively project their own beliefs and judgments onto me since I am pretty much ‘inferior’ in understanding and/or value to pretty much ALL of them.
I have now been permanently ‘objectified’, kept at a distance, and ‘helped’ by keeping me right where I am, locked into my position as ‘the subject.’

All other people involved, no master which premise of belief they hold, see me, hear me and evaluate everything I say or do, in the terms directly connected to their own beliefs about me and the whole situation, as they believe they understand it. As I have said many times, I am not even included in the story of my own life, perception, or feelings about my own experience. I have been rendered invisible as the human being that I actually am.
Masses of others, (whom I am not allowed to ‘fault’ for it) define my existence and identity FOR me based upon their own endless gossiping about it. They remain unaware of their own lack of consciousness. They prefer to project their own split consciousness onto me so that they can be ‘normal’ and delude themselves that my own understanding and experience of my reality is ‘delusional.’

This is how reality becomes the mirror image of itself, a reversal like any reflection in a literal mirror. Unaware that they have done so, the citizens have stepped through the looking glass into an alternate reality that seems like the real thing TO THEM. This is of course, just as my protagonist intended that they SHOULD see things, though I remain unsure if even he intended that it should go as far as it has.

I could find out more about his intent with a concrete investigation but, I can’t seem to really get that as those I ask either believe that this is something that has ended in some finite way, many years ago, or they deny it happened at all.

Let me give you a concrete example of this swinging door perception by others of my supposed ‘reality.’ I will use one person to demonstrate what I mean.

There is a senior citizen in my city who has been involved in the judgment fest surrounding me for many years. He gossips daily. He gets new information from other seniors spreading all the latest new stories. . The ‘stories’ sometimes have a grain of truth to them, which is then built up to the level of the fantastic or sometimes, they are total fabrications. (A symptom by the way, of ‘mental illness’) In any case, he an other just like him, seem to live to hear, and to tell, the latest stories and to make more judgments of me based upon their own story telling. I am not involved in it personally in any way. Of course, since this is a group ‘secret’, I can’t be, and besides that, at some level they KNOW they are violating my personal boundaries by doing what they do. This is WHY they must keep it a ‘secret’ which is known far and wide, by everyone they tell, in multiple versions, by thousands of people. So, to protect all the secrets being kept by this mob mentality, they must also deny the ‘secrets’ even exist, and I must be commanded (as I have been) to deny the group behavior and to ‘respect’ the group insanity. Failure to do so will be seen as madness on my part and I will be subject to more help, which has already been defined as ‘a little something to reduce my awareness’ for me. That’s sane right?

Back to my senior citizen acquaintance:
I am fully aware that is one of the keepers of all the ‘secrets.’ I am aware of it because he, and many others who know them, and share them with each other, have acted them all out for me, in my presence, as I stood in my enforced, psychiatrized silence, watching and listening to them doing it.
I also know that even if I DID confront him about his duplicity, (which is a dangerous thing to do once psychiatrized) the chances are very good that he would instantly deny it and defend his position as my judge. After all, he must defend himself and all of the others who are keeping all of the secrets with him. In order to do that, any fault found in this matter must then be found in me, and not in anyone else. In fact, ‘fault finding’ is one of my many faults. The only time ‘fault finding’ is not a fault in itself is when the ones finding the fault in me, are the ones doing the ‘fault finding.’ So, as we can now see, ‘fault finding’ is one of the many concepts which exist at the ‘swinging door’ of ‘reality’ perception. Now, let’s get back to the concrete details of reality in relation to this man.

He has judged my personality, my feelings, my perception of my own reality, my attitude, my character, and even the ultimate destination of my soul. He has done this on the street, on buses and at the mall. He also considers himself to be a ‘good’ Christian. (He once stated, talking out of the side of his mouth, from a few feet away, “You’re going to go to hell.”)

While acting this way and discussing me with others, he always says ‘hello’ to me, and smiles, if he is within three feet or so (rather than four, at which he apparently becomes invisible) as if he was oblivious to his own behavior. He IS to himself and believes that I am oblivious to HIM. I have stooped speaking to him and he has judged that to be another character flaw of mine, and is now sharing that opinion of me with others as well.

To understand this you have to know that HE has decided FOR me, what I am, or am NOT, aware of about HIM. He then judges me and relates to me, according to his own subjectively projected beliefs about me. Everyone else in this does the same thing. He believes that my understanding about BOTH myself and him, is inferior to his own. He is wrong on both counts. It is the opposite. Still, he treats me ‘as if’ that were true. It is not true. My understanding of both him and myself is higher than his. However he can’t allow himself to know that, as it would ruin his opinion of himself. Since I don’t talk about them as they talk about me, they do not know what I know and I am not about to start explaining it all to everybody in sight. I don’t owe them an explanation. The idea that I do, or that they are entitled to know, is neurotic, and a sign of the level of co-dependent, dysfunctional relating that exists throughout the whole community. Good news people! Psychiatry has scheduled family dysfunction for inclusion in the DSM. Soon, most of the population will be diagnosed with a brain disease, a psychiatric disorder for which treatment can be forced upon you all, for your own good, as no doubt the converts to the Psychiatric Faith, will tell you as its representatives. The rest of us will have to get treated for our ‘Oppositional Defiance Disorders.’ This is one of the newer ‘diseases’ indidcating ‘problems with authority’ (in the abstract, of course)

Back to my judge:
Now, whenever he sees me, he shakes his head in mild contempt since I no longer bother responding to his duplicity. Another fault has been found in me; my lack of ‘friendliness’ which is being seen in relation to nothing at all, as has also been determined by group consensus.

This is reality:
I am fully aware of this man’s duplicity, of the lack of sincerity in his smiles, of the fact that he wears a façade, and of his opinion that the destination of my soul is hell. I am aware that he shares these ‘good’ Christian views with others. If the reality of MY experience with him was seen from my point of view, the one the group works so hard to deny is valid, the one they actively suppress, some might marvel at the self restraint it takes for me to manage to just be civil to such people. It might also be seen that their whining and complaining about those they judge in such ways about not being ‘friendly’ enough to suit them, is nothing less than their own self deluded arrogance.

The Door of Reality Perception Swings Both Ways.

The truth of it though can only be found connected to concrete specific evidence.
So, for those who endlessly repeat “there is no reality, only perception,’ let me remind you of one of the many aphorisms of my protagonists so-called ‘game’ of life.
“Reality is substantial and will knock you on your ass.”

Another: “Reality is that which you experience and is NOT defined by either authority or group consensus. “

Paranoid Patty’s Aphorisms:It often pleases one to put one’s definition of another’s reality arrived at by either/or authority or group consensus where the sun it never shines. For evil grows in cracks and holes and lives in people’s minds.’

(That does not mean it only exists in your mind therefore it does not really exist at all. It means the point of origin is in the mind and then the idea is brought to live ‘out here, in concrete reality.’ )

You see, my protagonist’s goal and the conceptual framework (or ‘play’ if you prefer) used to achieve it, is kept ‘secret’ as ‘instructed’ (or revealed or as accused, depending upon your perspective on It) within the training about ‘domination Itself.

Dysfunctional Pi, by any other name or NO name, is, by definition, a closed system., an infinite loop from which there is no escape possible UNLESS the premise and the goal are understood as resting on the same point on a non linear level.

If you don’t get it, in it’s entirety, then it gets you. The difference between the genius and the madman, or between God and Satan, or good and evil, is, very often, nothing more than understanding the difference between the points of view. One is a relationship of equals revolving around a centre point of influence, not control. The other is a relationship of domination and submission, set up like a pyramid structure with the leader at the top point. It is mostly about attitude.

The domination game is about creating chaos and confusion on the metaphysical level, between the truth and the lie, abstract and concrete meaning, positive and negative, good and evil. It blurs the lines of distinction and creates great difficulties with discernment. It can also disconnect people from concrete reality, either accidentally or deliberately, depending upon who is doing it and with which goal. It can even disconnect the individual from ones’ sense of self.

The ‘cure’ for the chaos created by adversarial opposites is to attach oneself, as an individual, to the premise of complementary opposites instead. When the premise of thought used is that of equality, the bouncing back and for the between polar opposites, a choice of two evils, domination OR submission, comes to an end. We can then each create our own unique space as equals, who are also each part of a cohesive whole. This is the meaning of one pointed consciousness; to BE both at the same time, not one OR the other.

Adversarial opposites cannot be integrated without cancelling each other out ion the process, but complementary opposites can be and are by there very nature. Complementary opposite validate the individual and all of humanity at the SAME TIME. In fact, if you think about it, it is a principle which transcends space/time itself.

To be co-creators of our own being, each of us must focus on our own space as the ultimate goal, and stay out of the space which belongs to others unless we are invited by the other to come into it. (or at least not asked to get out of it)

Self control means BOTH self restraint AND self protection, which are two sides of the same coin. One does not work with out the other and life does not work for any of us unless we understand that. If we don’t understand it then any other kind of understanding may well turn out to be the ‘prize’ you get when you are the last one running for the finish line in the ‘game’ of life.


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