Dysfunctional Game Playing 101
By Patricia Lefave, Labelled, D.D.(P)
The end goal of the dysfunctional game is to sustain and promote the game itself.
Because for as long as the focus remains on sustaining the game itself, the boundary violations of the ones who want control of others are not seen nor dealt with. The controllers use a carrot on a stick sort of philosophy. As long as you don't give up altogether there is still a chance you might resolve. But resolution is of no real interest to them.
The domination types always remain blameless and superior and the fault continues to be found only in the perceptions and reactions of their targets. Know the game.
Who are the most likely targets?
Those who threaten to expose the game. Those who resist the dysfunctional trance. Those who have been abused by the game players. Those who dare to say they have been the dreaded "victims."
If the game is exposed for what it is, who will play it? If no one is willing to play it, the aggressor loses control over others. The game exists to control others. Sometimes it is not done with overt malice but merely as a defense of the aggressor's indefensible position. These are people who can never bear to think they are wrong about anything. That is the whole point of playing it. The aggressor wants to perceive himself as a "winner" in the game of life which he sees as a "contest" with others. Often the "others" do not KNOW they are in a "contest" as that is not how the targeted people think. To understand what motivates the aggressor is to understand his game. Once understood, the chaos and confusion created for you by the irrationality of it disappears. It is what Oprah likes to call your "Ah ha!" moment.
Once you really see it, you are no longer in, but outside the game, no longer searching for the answers that will help you to make sense of it all, nor confused by your protagonist and the group which blindly (usually) supports him.
The targets of the dysfunctional game rarely understand WHY they are targets. They are the ones who aren't "playing" it in the first place, and who tend to state something like:
"This makes no sense at all. " (though sometimes the group members will say something similar also)
In making such a statement, which is akin to the child saying, "the Emperor has no clothes," an instability is introduced into the game and the players who depend on it and live by it, are threatened by that. But the game is complete in itself. It is played in an infinite loop of anti-logic, so to protect the dysfunctional game, the players just play out the part of the game that is designed for just that purpose.
What is it basically?
They invalidate everything the targeted person thinks, says, feels or does which is not playing the game, until, under group pressure, she is so confused by the irrationality of it, and the chaos created she either breaks (proving her defective unlike the players) or gives up the attempt at resolution( which preserves the game intact) and maintains the status quo. The "complainer" can either accept the system as it is, in which case she will be accepted, at least minimally, by the group, or be rejected and get out, which will prove she can't get along with the group. Could a group be wrong and an individual be right? Of course not! Reality is being defined for the target by group consensus. That is how the dysfunctional system works.
Now, the invalidation is done largely by "interpretation," misdirection, disinformation (formerly known as lying) invention, manipulations, threats, intimidation, coercion, bribes, isolation, whatever it takes to remain within the game and keep it going.
Finally, even the existence of the game itself must be denied, preferably defined as the "delusions" of the targeted person who threatened the game. As targets, you must also understand that the majority of targeted group people who get sucked into the dysfunctional game have NO IDEA they are playing it. That's how well programmed everyone is. They are in an automatic response mode. So as the target, you are trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense in the first place. An impossible task.
As a general rule, only the aggressor and the victim EVER know it, and frequently, the victim doesn't know it either, or only finds out after it's too late and the damage has already been done. That is because the aggressor has been covertly manipulating the group to accept the "reality" he wants them to believe. He does this in order to keep his position of power and control. Remember that ultimately the goal of the game is to keep the game itself going. That's "the circle."
The game maintains the status quo and prevents awareness and resolution by creating chaos and confusion for the whole group. For as long as you are playing a role in the game, either as victim, aggressor, or manipulated group member, you can't see it. You can only see the whole thing from outside of it. If you see it though, you CAN get outside of it and stop going around in those dizzying circles.
There is something all of you who have been psychiatrized need to understand.
The reality is simple. The complications are created as a smokescreen used to hide the simple reality of this. It is nothing complex the groups involved in this don't understand. It is the simple obvious truth. A truth that is being hidden by at least ONE (and sometimes more than one) of your protagonists.
I will later write a concrete demonstration of the boundary violations which keep the chaos going and the game being used to deny it all. I will use real life situations which start out as minor problems of relationship and grow into major problems and conflicts because of the denial and resistance to examining, or admitting to, the perfectly and absurdly obvious. The truth is all around us. It is just ignored.
Exposing this ENDS it. I believe that is what we must all do together; wake up and end the collective nightmare.
To Those To Whom It Now Applies:
Tell the "Voices" HOW the game is being played. And all those who understand from within, must tell the big "secret" to all those in external reality all over the world. End the secrecy. End the confusion. End the mystery. End this sick Game.