Sunday, April 24, 2011
Objectifying “Them” to Save “Us”
The “Superior” Group Dynamic
By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic
What psychiatrists, and a whole host of dysfunctional others who-can-never-be-blamed DO, is 'interpret' everything I say or think, according to their own need to make me “fit” into the predetermined definition they have created for just that purpose.
Two of the major pieces of the puzzle I had to see to make 'sense' of the group senselessness were:
That it really doesn't matter what is say, or what is true, as it can always be re-interpreted to suit them in ways that make them “always right and never wrong.”
That of course means that my attempt to connect them to my reality is automatically invalidated. That is done by the dysfunctional everywhere in order to protect the dysfunctional group members and the dysfunctional way of relating.
Because it is the primary method used for group catharsis and for getting the “superiority high” that comes with it. They want very much to keep that. It is an addiction in itself. The power addicts LOVE it. It grows in the first place out of a suppressed sense of powerlessness, which also comes from the long tradition of dysfunctional relating. This too is an infinite loop in which the “normal” dysfunctional are trapped. They don't see it, since part of the dysfunctional agreement is accepting the rule, spoken or not, against seeing it. They won't see it either unless there is a replacement thinking style and behaviour in place FIRST. Some kind of personal power must replace the form of power to be given up. This dynamic is emotion based NOT “logic” based so the group members must have a replacement that makes them FEEL better.
A replacement style of self focusing and mutuality with boundaries will do that by shifting the focus from what is now largely external to one that is mostly internal, at least until a healthy paradigm shift is well established. However, this can be done in groups as well as with individuals and could be a good way to practise operating from within boundaries. You don't have to agree with everyone else's point of view to accomplish this. You just have to agree to disagree without the old practise of caving to the will of another so s/he will like you (submissive) or trying to overpower another and make him/her accept your point of view. (domination) We need to shift to SELF actualization not group consensus actualization. We are supposed to be developing as individuals not developing our herd instinct to the point where we are grinning like telemarketers all day long no matter what is really happening in our lives. We seem to have spent the last couple of decades devolving rather than evolving.
The other major piece of the puzzle that I had to see was the power of the group delusion to blind the participants to themselves and to the blatantly OBVIOUS.
The delusional belief, held by the majority it seems, in an inherently “superior/inferior” split in reality, rather than as an illusion, is what seems to do that. When this is part of the individual/group's psycho-spiritual premise of thought, then such individuals/groups give themselves “permission” to act out any way they please and to feel free to abuse those who are defined for them as “less than.” This is because they can then project their own traits as the means of disowning them. i.e. Since “she is so stupid or crazy she won't have any idea what is going on anyway so that makes it OK to abuse her. It is not abuse if she does not know it.” (smiles all around) ..seems to be the kind of justification for the behaviour.
From my point of view of course there is no “division” between what those blameless others acting out think I will see, hear, know and understand which stands apart from what THEY decide FOR me that I will think see hear and understand. This splitting of reality is very heavily 'secrecy' dependent even if the is very little that is actually 'secret.' The illusion of secrecy is just as important, if not more so, in the maintenance of the dysfunctional group delusion. That is because the “splitting” involved is their OWN, and not mine, but they don't want to find that out, as it will ruin the whole dysfunctional 'game' for them.
So they simply disown their own traits so they can continue to define dysfunctional thinking and relating as “normal.” Dysfunctional relating by ANY of its names, feeds on itself BY DESIGN.
On rare occasions when the dysfunctional best suffer through a crack in their armour of self defence, the most common reaction is to blame the victim for BEING a victim, blame the victim's perception of being a victim, or blame the victim's emotional reactions, or deny the entire event itself and all the group behaviours that went with it.
Again, that is about maintenance of the dysfunctional status quo. It always IS. To get out of this, people must see it for what it is and then step OUTSIDE the current parameters of the dysfunctional relating “game.”
Individual and group contrition will be necessary. The shortcomings of character and morality exist in, and are protected and enabled by, the groupthink defences.
They do not live in the supposed “failure” of the victims to “forgive” those who deny they have done any wrong and who therefore have no need of 'forgiveness” since according to them, there is nothing to forgive.
That being the case, “forgiveness” would be an arrogance on my part, wouldn't it?
According to my judges, I already have more than enough “character flaws” so I wouldn't want to add another such as the arrogance of unnecessary forgiveness to the mix.
Contrition and forgiveness go together. You can't have the one without the other. It just doesn't work out right.