Caused by the Choice of Oppositional Style
By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic
The outcome in a struggle for self control[1] changes dramatically depending upon the choice of psycho-spiritual STYLE used to fight for it. This is not to suggest that those we must battle against to get that are without responsibility for what they do. On the contrary. It is just that we cannot control them or change them and when that is the case, we can only change HOW we deal with the reality of what they DO, which is often denied BY them.
If we use the dysfunctional style of fighting, it creates an endless battle that can never be “won” by anyone as it is the battle itself that the dysfunctional ones want and which they ENJOY. Truth, justice and reality is of little or no interest to them. They like the feeling of power they get from acting TOUGH. They often believe that acting tough and being strong are the same thing. They aren't. So if we, in trying to fight dysfunction, fight in the dysfunctional style, we actually either end up BECOMING what we hate[2] or we give up and often submit to power mad authority as we get to the point where talking is proved to be useless. The dysfunctional bully/abuser/authority views our giving up as a “win” too.
Dysfunctional types believe having power over others is a “win” and never see the ultimate loss their thinking style creates and what that will do if projected ahead into our collective future. They just like the feeling they get from the 'win” of the moment, so you can't REASON with that, as reason has nothing to do with it. I like to put it this way: though there is a reason (purpose) FOR WHAT they do, and a self serving one at that, there is no reason IN (logic) what they do, so discussing it in terms of logic, or empathy, will not work. You are not relating to dysfunctional bullies/abusers/aggressors in their own terms when you go for logic or empathy so that is a waste of effort and a waste of breath. Instead talk ABOUT what they do just like this, exposing it to the light of day on the metaphysical level. Bullying/abusing/aggression of this nature is dependent upon the “COVERT” part of it. Once exposed everywhere, by everyone, the power obtained from using it is completely ruined. So RUIN the power and not the person.
People CAN change, though some will never want to do so, but even the stubborn idiots might be motivated to change their ways if their “ways” fully exposed, make them look like the dysfunctional, self deluded idiots which they, in fact, ARE, and always have been. Bullies aren't the brightest bulbs on the block; despite the face that THEY delude themselves that they are “superior” to all their targets. Mostly they are just pathetic jerks trying to make themselves feel better. But don't tell them that; the dim bulbs won't be able to really hear it anyway.
Tell their victims, their potential victims and others who don't see it, or understand it, ABOUT the bully/aggressor/abuser delusional motivations and tell it everywhere using the metaphysical level of revelation. When you do that you do not have to name any names to make your point, because it is draining their POWER to abuse which you're after, not the individual deluded bully.[3] We need to make abusing and bullying a really BAD choice for the bully and to DO that, we must appeal to the bully/abuser's self interest as that is all s/he really cares about. In other words, you must make it be in the bully's self interest to stop the bullying; not YOURS. You, and how you feel personally, are all but irrelevant to the abuser/bully. Understand that. This is all about the bully/abuser/aggressor. You are just a prop in his/her dysfunctional little scene about him/herself.
This dysfunctional style of opposition is based on gaining some kind of power and control over others, on domination, and it is shaped like a pyramid scheme. This is from the metaphysical level of adversarial opposites which should not be confused with complementary opposites.
Think of the difference in this way:
It's like being stabbed in the chest by people with two different motivations for it:
The one wants to hurt you, or stop your heart, by stabbing you in the chest but the other one wants to heal you, or fix your heart. The first one traps you in an alley and the second one takes you to an O.R. Technically though, they are BOTH plunging a knife into your chest. This is the difference between integrating complementary opposites which work together and integrating adversarial opposites which work against each other and cancel each other out, and THAT is like the difference between Heaven and Hell. It is the motivation and intent which CHANGES outcomes, for better or worse. We can ALL play a role in healing the spirit of humanity if we just think about HOW to do that.
So, the dysfunctional style of opposition is based on power and control OVER others as domination and is shaped like a pyramid scheme. This is the way of adversarial opposites. In this way, the spirit opposes basically for the sake of opposing and feeling “superior” about it. This spirit says the opposite of whatever we say or try to do because It wants a distress reaction as a payoff for what it does. It does not want resolution. In fact. Resolution is the LAST thing it is looking for.
So the KIND of “fight” that works in a case like this is based more on the exposing of the stupidity of the abusive spirit of that; exposing it''s STYLE of opposition and stating EXACTLY what it is trying to do, while we who fight it stay centred in ourselves based on a principle.
The Centred Spiritual Principle is:
To see ourselves like equal “cells” in the “Body” of Our “Collective Being.”
The two spiritual ATTITUDES could also be stated like the following examples.
The Oppositional Spirit thinks and talks like this:
I am Superior! You will be who I TELL you you are and feel the way I want you to feel or else! You will submit! You will comply! Resistance is futile! I am superior and you are inferior!
The Complementary Spirit thinks and talks more like this:
I am basically the same as you. I am made of the same stuff (star material!) and yet I am also unique and I know that you are too. This is just what we are intended to be...alike and different at the same time. We are One AND we are Many. I know we can be the “we” part WITHOUT being invalidated as individuals, as long as we accept that others have the right to be unique and not “exactly like me” too.
So, if a person or even a “voice” anywhere on any level, taunts you by saying the opposite of everything you say, don't ask “why are you doing this to me?”
Instead, STATE the reason- You are stating the opposite for the sake of stating the opposite and you want a reaction from me. My reaction is, and will continue to be, to explain you, and your motivations and goal, to you, and to others, who are asking the same question I used to ask.
We need to expose the abuse GAME itself and how it is done and we need to do this in detail. Don't attack the bully, but attack the bully's GAME. Talk the bully's game. What that will do is ruin the aggressor's power which is based and dependent upon a “covert” agenda of domination. At the same time that is happening, it will give the victims the information they need, some of which was MISSING, which will allow them to make some kind of 'sense' of their own experience with the aggressor(s) and this will enable them to break the co-dependent relationship or connection, which the aggressor NEEDS to achieve domination and control.
This is about information; missing, added, altered or “spun.” What each person involved “thinks” they understand or does not understand and what they pass along to others, right, partly right, or completely false, depends upon what they know and believe. Aggression, abuse, bullying, is about power and control over “inferiors”, inferiors as defined BY the aggressor/abuser/bully.
One of the major mistakes that adult “authority” figures frequently make, when trying to defuse conflict between bully and victim is to treat them like equal participants in a two way relationship. In reality, they aren't and both the victim and the bully know that because both of them understand what the bully is after, often when outside help does not understand it at all. The bully and the victim usually know that the authority figure does not understand it but that one is quite sure that he or she does understand it. That knowing between bully and victim is part of the bully's delusional power rush. So don't assume that the bully does, what s/he does, because /he simply doesn't understand and that s/he would choose differently if s/he knew better. That “innocence” is part of the bully's CON.
Those of you targeted as victims and those of you currently playing the role of bystanders: get together and TALK the bully's GAME and ll the motivations for playing it, everywhere you go. When possible, look right at the bully/abuser when saying it BUT don't say a word to the bully about him/her personally, and do NOT bully back as doing so keeps it going by keeping the switch and repeat pattern in use. We need to break the cycle not just keep taking turns playing the same old roles.
You don't have to yell or become a bully/abuser yourself. Stay calm and collected but TALK about the “game” itself and the payoff the aggressors are getting from it, in great detail. Think of this as a self directed from of group therapy with no one in charge because EVERYONE is in charge of his/her own role. How about if we call it, the Dis-empowerment of Abuse Matrix? D.A.M! For short. Maybe we can D.A.M! Bullying and abuse once and for all...kind of like the Musketeers...All for One and One for All!
I think it is an effort worth making as if we succeed, EVERYBODY wins.
[2] Which dysfunctional people tend to view as proof of their own righteousness.
[3] Of course if there is any kind of physical abuse going on or illegal behaviour you should call the police when the law should be involved and not rely on just words to get you out of the situation. So use caution in specific situations and take care of your physical well being, as well as, your metaphysical well being.
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