The Attempted Depersonalization and Reconstruction of My Identity: Part 2

My Psychiatric Label and How I Got It.

By Patricia Lefave, Labelled, D.D.(P)

"Many, but not all Nazis rose up from the underworld. They were pushed forward, or rather they pushed themselves forward, in a nation that had been proud of being at the hub of European civilization. To call Nazism the ideology of those who came from the losing side would be simplifying things too much.The Nazis could only be successful by gaining the active and passive support of large numbers of civil servants, of teachers and professors, of physicians who had taken the Hippocratic oath, of lawyers who had learned and memorized the tenets of justice, even of priests who had consecrated themselves to the service of God, and of millions of ordinary men and women...It was created and borne by living persons.

Nazism was not rooted in abstract statutes. Nor did it confine it's methods to anonymous and efficient gas chambers...The attitudes of Nazism could range from active support to passive adjustment, from apathy in the face of the Jews...being taunted and tortured to friendly helpfulness and passive or even heroic resistance.

Still the question is: What prevented, what hindered those who had gone to school with Jewish neighbours, who had worked with them in offices, schools, factories and hospitals,...what kept them from standing up for their friends and neighbours of Jewish faith.

If history proves anything it is that too few people made conscious choices against evil. If there is any lesson to be learned from the extermination of millions of Jews, it is that decent men and women learn to make choices in favor of the good, and to do this before criminal power is established and gets stabilized. It is the one lesson history must teach so that It does not repeat itself. "

Willy Brandt
Bundestag
Bonn, West Germany
1984
From the forward of:
Victims & Neighbours:A Small Town In Nazi Germany Remembered
By Frances Henry

Of course, nothing like that could ever happen HERE now could it? Beware of the promotion of global agendas of "IMPOSED good"; for this is a contradiction in terms.

The Final Solution
Endgame

As everything else in this, what the subtitle means depends upon who you really are and how you hear it. The solution that works for everyone beyond the "them" and "us" mentality is to expose the truth about this universal "play" at the level of generic meaning; the concrete details change but the "play" remains the same. A collective awakening must occur. We must stop being A.C.T.ors on the stage of life and face reality. The people who really need to face it are those who are reducing things like the now proposed "Relationship Disorder" to brain chemistry problems and diseases requiring swallowing drugs to take those nasty old feelings away. Why do we "wonder" where the addiction problem is coming from and why people just want to swallow something instead of solving our human problems by thinking them through?

Of course, I am one of the people who does not want to swallow the pills so that makes me the "difficult" patient. How did this get so turned around backwards? Frankly I DO wonder if the employees at the psychiatric hospital where my protagonist works aren't all members of the same group, all of whom heard the abstract play the same way! But back on topic here.

Either we get the "final solution" or the final solution will get all of us, including our leaders who promote unreasonable power and total control as "good." As a nexus concept of abstract reasoning, "There is no reality, only perception" has a certain ring of truth to it. Why George W. Bush has even made that statement during a televised press conference, his eyes all aglow with amusement. Has he had the "training" too? Donald Rumsfeld has actually (allegedly) quoted from it. But, and though it will distress my protagonist who is trained not to use that word, I mean BUT, if those who see good where there is evil, (or the other way around) are also the ones who are in "total control," and have gained the unquestioned concrete power to create and define reality itself, for anyone who does not agree with them, or their system, then we are all going to be losers in this "game" of life.You either get that or it will get you. The worst thing that can happen to leaders such as these is that they will actually get what they 'think" they want, and then realize after it is too late that they are indeed the Source of their own pain and the Emperors of the Hell of their own creation.

We are all BOTH cause and effect in the circle of life. Not one OR the other. It is how we see ourselves that makes the difference between possible outcomes of Heaven or Hell. This is natural knowledge acquired by direct observation of reality; the kind we all have as children when we see and hear the blatantly obvious which we are later trained by the generation before to deny in order to get their stamp of approval. We are taught to put a veil over the truth, a facade, a false image of nice manners, a ready plastic smile, and to deliver shallow compliments. (my...that's a nice shirt you have on today...it really brings out the glazed look in your over drugged eyeballs) We are taught by example to accept political manipulations and to play head games with people as a "norm." We are told by those running these systems that if we do not agree to do the same, we are just stupid and/or abnormal. I have been told by way of all the experts all over town and beyond, that I have a serious "mental illness" for "thinking" I see the truth that they do not see, that I am a genetic defective, and that there is something wrong with my brain for which I need "treatment" from them.

You see everything that I have said about the nurse who did this to me, and his co-workers who have supported him, has been denied by those in involved, allegedly as they were directed to do by my protagonist's employers, the psychiatric hospital where he still works. Therefore, if the event itself did not, and does not exist, my "claiming" that It did (and does) is just my bid for attention/fame (switch!) which makes ME manipulative and destructive not him, OR, I actually believe this event took place which makes ME "delusional," not him, or them. Either way, I am nominated to be the mental case and the nurse, his co-workers, and everyone else who involved themselves sidesteps responsibility for It.The psychiatrist who labelled me took ten, or perhaps, eleven, minutes to do it. He had never even met me before. But he, like most of the others, know "paranoid sounds" when they hear them. Then the manipulative, coercive pressure was started all over again. It really is like talking to the wall. He tried to tell me that it could not have happened that a nurse would have "set me up" for a group attack, as he would have "no reason" to DO so." Everybody is operating on logic as far as psychiatrists are concerned except those who are sitting across from them at the desk in their offices. All of those are automatically thought to be "delusional" unless proved otherwise, based on abstract concepts, apart from any and all evidence.

It was about a month after my labelling that I found the book laying out all the contents of the nurse's training for me where I learned that his power over me comes from his being trained to BE "unreasonable." So, in the end, I get "enlightened" by him when I discover that I am caught in a snare (circular) trap, from which there is no escape possible without understanding his "game" and It's starting point. The nurse then "wins" his pre-planned game of domination by getting me "totally controlled" by It. Who is it that is rumoured to have suggested that I was "schizophrenic" in the first place? Allegedly, I heard it was the same nurse.

Once we, as the targets of control, have been given our psychiatric labels, designed for containment, and invalidation of us as human beings, virtually everything we say, think, feel or do, can be stated to be "proof" that we "deserve" that label. Our report of the group event, complaints and emotional reactions to the constant invalidation and pressure is all covered in advance before the event even begins. It is written down in the DSM; the psychiatric bible used by those who have turned their invalidation, denial, and need to control into concrete reality. For can anyone doubt anything that has been written down and so made "real"?

Perhaps you can now understand the punch line of my protagonist's "joke"? I wonder if HE really understands It? Only a concrete investigation will allow you to know for sure how much of this "game" he has really directed himself, and how much grew out of the "groupthink" or mob mentality which he created with the "switch" that got It all going in the first place. As I went through this what struck me was he universal error generated by the 'switch" which then gets promoted as "reality." Like calling the dark, "light." Some might call that "original sin." Others may refer to it as the faulty premise. I recognized this pattern of behaviour in families, workplaces, school groups, and in psychiatry itself.

Before I broke down under the unrelenting stress and pressure the group was seemingly urged to apply, it occurred to me that I knew what the phenomenon of "schizophrenia" actually is. It is this. This is It. So, I told those listening while pretending they weren't, "Talk directly to me. It's important." Twelve years later, they continue to deny the reality of themselves, while still "observing" me as "the subject." They still believe they are "hiding" from me despite the fact that I have told them they are not. The "levelling" continues. The source of this metaphysical illness is not found in the individual, It's in the whole group. The group which is manipulated by the aggressor to accept as "reality" whatever he/she is unloading subjectively onto his/her victim.

Aggressors who are without conscience or contrition ALWAYS justify themselves by claiming their victim is the cause of the aggressor's behaviour. As is stated in my protagonist's training, "either the light is on or the light is off.'' (You either see the WHOLE thing from the true starting point or you're not getting it at all.)Ultimately my protagonist is to be enlightened about his own self destructive power as he must realize that it is the side of him that identifies with the aggressor that causes the other side of him to remain a permanent victim of his own illogic in this paradoxical trap. The "Source" is right you see. On the psycho-spiritual level of concepts there is only the NOW; a level of collective consciousness or unconsciousness, which some would call life or death. All who have their ego structures fragmented, or torn down, by any means, enter into that transcendent moment of life/death, including some who were childhood abuse victims like Adolph Hitler. The question could be asked, "Did Hitler create the source of his own pain OR did the source create Hitler? The question is moot at this point. Either way, the leader of this re-creation is also the source of HIS own pain. May he wake up now to the truth of It.

As to the rest of you supporting It: When you get to the point that you recognize it is the false premise that is making this mess, the "switched positions" between aggressor and victim, perhaps you will stop "volunteering" to support and enable them. It means BOTH sides must give up the "game." We must stop "volunteering" to accept responsibility for BEING the victims of aggressors AND we stop "volunteering" to become the next generation of aggressors with hidden agendas of domination, and deluding ourselves that we are "superior" for doing so. When everyone stops "volunteering" to support the basic structure of It, then It will collapse. "It" is volunteer dependent.

If we remain self deluded as a group and blind to that simple truth, and continue to "let It go," It will create the disappearance of everything and everyone. A little religious "delusion" for you psychiatrists:"In the beginning was the word; and the word was with God; and the word WAS God." Words are very powerful. They can be used to harm or to heal, to destroy or to create. It depends upon HOW we use them and to what end. May some of my word heal those of you who have suffered along with me and had your suffering denied and mocked.

This system, by whatever name it is known, is about suppressing the truth, hiding the goal, the motivation, and the plans to dominate, by putting on an act the majority will accept as "reality." no questions asked. The end point of this line of "reasoning" (illogic) is death, one way or another. As the psych Prof. states in her analysis, "This family is a classic; patriarchal and autocratic. The training is a precisely articulated series of manipulations, carefully designed to produce the desired effects....The price of obtaining her (the mother's) nurturance is surrender of autonomy to the all controlling father."

In another part she refers to "the family romance" which sustains it. As I have said, it is we who have played some version of this game before who understand It best. The demonstration showing what you understand to be based upon WHERE you see the start of the action equates to Chaos Theory: The Circle of Ten Theorem. What appears at first to be random with no discernible pattern or connection, can be predicted with one hundred per cent accuracy IF you know the true starting point of the equation. My protagonist's leader, the Creator/Destroyer, the "Trickster," who sits at the top of the pyramid of power AND enlightenment, the only point where both sides are "one", and who understands it all, appears to believe that no matter how It all works out in the endgame, just in the process of life itself, HE "wins" either way.
Why?
If mindless aggression and lack of reason prevails, he has made a huge pile of money, has gained a lot of power through the collecting of very personal information, and there is no evidence he INTENDED to do anything immoral or illegal. He has total control of the situation and everyone inside It. He has also succeeded in levelling; telling the truth and making things "even." In the end, if It causes the disappearance of everything and everyone, he can tell himself that those who bought into It, or who failed to see what was right in front of them have brought It upon themselves, so they are getting just what they deserve anyway. In which case, the aggressor persona, who represents power used without reason,(a change of personality put on as easily as changing one's suit) "wins." At least that is what THIS vicitm gets out of It.

If the world wakes up to It, recognizes HOW It happens and WHY, (because they experience It for themselves) they will stop promoting and supporting the mindless aggression of those who have expanded their egos to cover the universe, stop blaming the victims for BEING victims, stop admiring the aggressors, and stop validating themselves by invalidating all other points of view.

In the second case, recreating it will cause the disappearance of mindless hatred by automatons who blindly follow the leader, applauding anything that anyone says for no other "reason" than the one saying It is a member of their "special" group. Extrapolating further on this side, his enlightenment side, (his genuine original self, his victim side, who was forced to hide himself for the sake of his own survival), then "wins."

So, either way, so it would seem, the leader and only the leader, really wins. Unfortunately there is something his dominating side does not see as he also is still steering his course through life with his attention focused on, and his hands gripping, his rear view mirror. The leader has a blind spot of which he appears to be unaware. He is, in fact, bringing about his own end by choosing to identify with the aggressor, and he is doing It on a transcendental timeless level. His cause knows no bounds.

If he doesn't soon change his own mind, his recreation will cause his OWN disappearance as his game is catching up to him in time. He is right about something. The ultimate purpose of the mind is to ensure it's own survival. That is the only thing that is sure to motivate anyone, especially the most severely and perfectly narcissistic, to give up their domination game, this game for children, and finally grow up. Either he gets It (that he is trapped in his own creation) OR It will get him.The aggressor does what he does because he was once a victim himself, who waited for truth or a rescuer/saviour who did not come. So, he decided there was no messiah and that he had only the choice between being a victim, or switching positions and becoming like the aggressor, as the only way out of the dilemma. What he does not understand is that his "saviour" does not believe in domination as a solution to anything because a already knows the outcome. His "saviour" will not force him to do anything, nor trick him into co-operation. His "saviour" rescues him by telling him the truth about himself. The gift the rescuer brings is only the truth and the truth WILL set him free from his self delusion and will give him back his Self control.

It is self control (not just self restraint) but Self definition, Self determination, Self actualization, that gives us life as individuals, unique and separate form all others. But there is one more side to this which is not yet seen. The spiritual partner of the rescuer is the converter. Having been rescued by her partner, that one sees the error and switches the premise back to sanity and reason. Only when the leader understands that his own domination side is the cause of his own victim's side effects, will he recognize that he is the Source of his own pain; an identity to which even he admits. As it is, he has created a lose, lose, lose situation. If he does not understand that he must convert his own premise back to equality, then his victim side cannot be rescued from his aggressor side.

The "action" the domination side likes to "observe" with a sense of detachment, is between his own two sides. He is not "outside" his own paradigm. He is the cause AND the effect. So he remains his own victim. If the aggressor does not see his "win" is an illusion, then he also loses. If he manages to beat everyone at his own game, he ends up in the infinite void, having invalidated everyone else, with nothing left to have power over. His "Pi" creates infinite destruction. If all his followers fail to see they are trapped in a no-win situation, and just keep blindly following the leader, then they all lose too and so does everyone who is at effect in this chain reaction.

If the leader does not soon understand that he MUST give up his con game and expose It completely, then his own survival will be the ultimate cost of refusing to do so. In the end, he will give himself the "prize" for coming in last in his self created race as all he is really doing is running around in a circle. It is a circular argument and it is true that "what goes around comes around" and that these kinds of leaders literally don't know whether they are coming or going.They have lost their sense of direction altogether.

Those of us who attempt to reveal the truth of this, especially if the leader is said to be "charismatic" become the first targets of such leaders and his loyal zombie-like, unquestioning followers. Such leaders are not threatened by those who don't see, but who "think" that they do. They are only threatened by those who DO see and who threaten to expose the truth that would dis-empower the leader. Since power is what he lives for, he regards preserving It as equivalent to his SURVIVAL. Therefore one of three outcomes is usually the case in such groups when someone questions the leader or his system:

1. The questioner is forced out of the group and often judged as unsuitable for membership.

2. The questioner, getting nowhere, quits as he or she cannot live with the status quo as expected.

3. The questioner pushes to expose the errors to other group members and gets targeted him/herself and regarded as "sick" or "crazy" or just a troublemaker who doesn't seem know there is no "I" in "team" like everyone else in the group.

I believe my protagonist has been able to hide in plain sight so successfully because when he uses his''secret" training and It's manipulations, misdirection, disinformation and covert behaviours, he blends right in with his workplace. He and psychiatry are operating from basically the SAME faulty premise, though most psychiatrists just don't get it. That's why this nurse feels "superior" to them too, for they ALSO have bought into this con.

As the psych prof. states in her analysis: The power of my protagonist's game "sustains us in our imaginations" (or for some in concrete reality) "only so long as we pay daily devotion to the household gods of our family romance." (you know. The all controlling perfect parents who can never be wrong nor blamed for anything) I suggest that you read this article again focused on the concepts (or the meta-message )but the second time you read it, use the dysfunctional family as the concrete framework matched to the abstract concepts.

Rather than a cult leader at the top of the pyramid structure, think of the autocratic father. Then read the same "play" again with a gang leader at the top, then with an abusive husband, then an abusive controlling employer, a high school clique leader, Adolph Hitler and the Nazi Machine, Idi Amin on top, or even the psychiatric profession itself which is supporting it's own pyramid structure.

Substitute ANY closed system in which a group of followers is controlled by an "authority" figure at the top, who cannot be questioned and who's system cannot have any fault found within It by those beneath him in the hierarchy.There you will find the infinite power created by the DOMINATION Pi.

Trapped In One's Own Creation:
A Self Deluded, Self Judgement Pi

As the leader may well ask, "Do you think that understanding it is enough?'' No. They must do something about It. What they do is switch It back by taking It a further 180 degrees to return to the starting point and then move beyond It. What needs to be "switched"? The premise, or starting point, which works by excusing (or enabling and supporting the aggressor) and blaming the victim.
The solution is not to choose to live EITHER within your own mind OR to live out of your mind. It is to transcend these opposites which are being presented as the only choice and live in both internal and external reality at the same time using the ONLY premise that ever really works: equality of Being. Remember? This is about "making your life work." This can only be seen for what It really is from outside the "unreasonable Pi." Outside the system itself and with an overview of the whole thing. Having trouble relating to the "Pi" thing?
Ok. Then let's use the self-fulfilling prophecy framework instead.
The aggressor set his goal first. The aggressor's goal is based upon his OWN delusions of grandeur.To maintain that delusional belief, he will invalidate EVERYTHING that suggests he is wrong about anything. He unloads his OWN delusional beliefs using the defense mechanism of subjective projection, i.e. He's not crazy; his victim is crazy for calling HIM crazy.This sets the tone for his whole routine. He then does and says all the things necessary to create the desired effects.

He manipulates the target to report all of the things which are, in fact, happening, to the group which he has already manipulated also to HEAR what is being reported, in the terms in which HE wants It to be heard. The more his target reports the truth, the more the group hears It as the target's "delusions" or lies. Everyone follows his lead, never imagining the aggressor is orchestrating the whole thing since, "he would have no reason to do so." This is a nexus statement which is positive or negative, but the truth on some level, depending upon one's "perspective." One's perspective is directly related to the premise accepted as "reality." So It is always true, one way or another. Stated concretely It is:
1. That's right, he would have no reason to do so, therefore he is without reason since he did do It. Or

2. That's right, he would have no reason to do so, therefore It did not occur since he seems "reasonable" to the group. Therefore the target must be "unreasonable" for accusing him "falsely."

The aggressor's pleasure comes from observing, or "witnessing" his target and his enablers, fulfilling his prophecy (WOW! e.s.p.) of destructive power which is now coming true in concrete reality. He observes his target's fear when unable to escape his maze-like psychological trap while under constant group pressure to give up and accept fate, preferably without complaint or resistance. The more the target struggles for self control, the more certain the group becomes of the suggested madness of the target. After all, THEY don't see anything wrong. Soon, they all join in looking for signs and symbols of madness everywhere.

What the aggressor is doing is not reasonable. It is evil but the group is well trained to hear that judgement as another "sign" of the target's "madness." (They "think" they see "evil.") The aggressor watches the target's fear grow as the realization comes that there is no possible escape, and no rescuer will intervene, since any "intervention" will be done to suppress the target's view of the situation, not to validate it. The aggressor smirks knowingly, his eyes glowing with amusement and power, which if the target reports, will be "assessed" as a perception problem of the target, along with the increase in fear as an "inappropriate affect," since both are already listed, in advance, as more "signs."

While the target knows the aggressor is acting from a lack of reason, and the aggressor knows the target knows It, the group has been successfully mystified by the aggressor and will continue to accept the situation as the exact opposite. (the switch) If, in time, the target breaks down under group pressure, and is "successfully" disconnected from concrete reality due to the constant contradiction and multiple versions of It, that will only be seen in the terms the observers have been trained to see It; a psychotic "episode", inside the parameters of a "disease" process of a genetic defective. It is in fact, the result (or effect) of a GROUP relationship, and NOT a cause in itself, in isolation, without relationship to anything, or anyone, else.

Can psychosis be triggered by other elements like toxins, alcoholism, brain tumours etc.? Sure. But that doesn't make the experience with other people, perceiving that legitimate cause in whatever way THEY choose, any less real or difficult to deal with. But for now, let's stick to my own case of aggression, denial and group pressure as the cause.

The aggressor at this point, now feels the sense of "satisfaction" that comes from his false sense of omnipotent power and control, reinforcing his insane belief that reason is the LOWEST level of consciousness and "unreason" the highest. (switch)
He now believes that he has total control over everything that happens to him, which is, ironically, true. He is the cause of everything that is going to happen to him. He is creating his own pain, whether he will actually see It coming or not. We all live as BOTH cause and effect; not one or the other. The aggressor may be caught and exposed as an individual, or may just be caught as a participant in It, along with all the other blind followers. They are on their way to bringing the whole planet to ruin with their collective, regressive, narcissistic, infantile omnipotence. Those who are the cause may well refuse to see the truth about themselves until they feel It's full effect. Their leader appears to believe that experience is the best teacher, and perhaps the ONLY way they will ever become truly "enlightened."

Both the victims and those who identify with the aggressor are being constantly instructed to "let it go..." and the more both sides agree to do so, the more damage It cause for everyone, and the farther It spreads. Meanwhile, all those who remain certain that they know what It is, smirk to themselves with he absurdly arrogant belief that they have everything and everyone under control. Most of them, I'd bet, will remain deluded right up to the moment the chain reaction of their own creation has collected enough interest, and spiritual energy to bring back to them a very unexpected payoff; or should we call It the charismatic leader's payBACK.

What is the moral of this horrifying story?
Stop silencing or killing your messengers who are telling the truth that you need to know to save your own lives.

What do we do about It?
We see It, Understand it, and then simply expose It on a generic level of meaning.

Why generic?
So that no one can keep It going by simply changing It's concrete form. It will be stopped only when (or if) we all see the faulty premise upon which this horror is built. It will stop ONLY when , or if, the victims stop allowing themselves to be talked into accepting responsibility for their victimization and hand that responsibility (not the aggression) BACK to the aggressors, where It belongs

AND (no "buts" here please)

When the aggressors stop blaming their victims for the aggression, and start accepting responsibility for IT themselves.
That will undo the mutually delusional reversal and switch things back to the power of reason. The only kind of power that is really worth having. Now that you have been "enlightened" by this experience, DO something about It.

Victim: From the Latin "victimus" which means "sacrifice."

As the psych prof. wrote in her analysis, as the last line of her book on my protagonist's training, "The only way to stop a nightmare is to wake up."

To see more of the concrete details of my experience, go to:

The Guelph Mirror

To see various views on psychiatry and news items from alternate sources which are other than the current saturation campaign of the psychiatric establishment go to:

Nuts R Us

To post something from your own story go to:

Muzzles Off: Breaking Psychiatric Silence