Thursday, June 07, 2012
“Overlooking” Errors and Abuse
By Patricia Lefave, monophrenic
It sounds good doesn't it? After all, nobody's perfect, right?
I agree. It is what we do AFTER that agreement that matters and which changes outcomes.
Those striving to grow and change think:
“we all make mistakes it's true, so we all have a lot of work to do.”
Those aiming for self deception, avoidance of responsibility for self and/or others and for status quo maintenance think:
“we all make mistakes so we all should avert out eyes and demand that others do the same.”
In the first case we can work to overcome our errors by looking at them and understanding them.
In the second case we “overlook” them, ensuring that they will continue to exist, unexamined and unchanged.
We now call this second case scenario “normal” and even “mentally healthy,” but is it? What society does most often is “split and switch,” an extremely popular dysfunctional “trick.” We blame victims for “choosing”, thinking and reacting “like” victims. At the same time, we excuse aggressors and abusers for acting out on others, since acting out, ESPECIALLY when in groups, is now “normal” and needs to be “overlooked.”
I think that is why aphorisms like this SOUND sane and normal to most people...
“I don't have to choose to be a victim.”
Being victimized is not a “choice.” The shame does not belong to the victim it belongs to the abuser/aggressor.
Such statements are the sociopaths dream “game” scenario for if a victim is “stupid” enough to ACCEPT the blame and responsibility for what is done TO him or her, then in the sociopath's tautological thought processes used for promoting him/herself, the victim “deserves” to be victimized for “thinking like a victim.” It doesn't get more self serving than that.
If you doubt that most of society has made the 180 degree directional “switch,” consider this statement which is equal and opposite to the one above:
“I don't have to choose to be an aggressor/abuser.”
Sounds odd right? Almost unheard of isn't it?
Now ask yourself, “why is that?”